How to Avoid Housework

I get better at it every day. Not the housework, oh no. AVOIDING the housework ... yes, soon to be awarded expert status in that department. Back in the dark ages before I had children, who are put here solely to MAKE MORE WORK, I was merely an amateur. Now that I have two little buggers whose main mission in life is to make messes, many messes, all over the house and everywhere else they may find themselves, well ... (blushing with modesty) ... shucks ... I can avoid whole boatloads of housework before lunch!

But I can do better, yes, I know I can. You see, we have a fairly small abode. Yep, just about 1000 square feet of clutter, junk, crap, dust, mold, mildew and hard water stains. Oh, and let's not forget the bathrooms. On second thought, let's not even speak of them. Anyway, I'm sure if we just moved on to bigger digs, well, the boys could take care of business in no time, and I'd be busy at my best ... avoiding more housework than any other SAHM in my subdivision.

I didn't learn this skill from my mother. Nor can any of my friends compete at my level (though there is one relative out there who feels she must attempt it, but moving into Wal-Mart doesn't count -- you have to Live with the fruits of your non-labor). Actually, I kinda fell into it. Credit must be given to the Internet, of course, the infamous Time-Stealer. And if it weren't for my dear husband, who refuses to lower his standards, and therefore ends up doing Way More Than His Share of the HW around here, well ... I'd be just a regular ole housewife, wouldn't I?

So here I am, about to impart a mere crumb of my vast experience in housework avoidance. Sure, just about anybody has a computer with hi-speed internet these days, and children can be rented out to the childless (at least mine can ... call me for rates!), but an addiction to newspapers and magazines and library books (yes, you have to actually READ them for total effectiveness) and WRITING ... that could take the cake for most any household. But the coup de grace ... drumroll please ... HOMESCHOOLING!

Maybe I should write a book about it.